Tag Archives: addict

Poised at The Edge of Addiction

Like how a sober man still calls himself an addict at AA, similarly all addictions never really end, rather they remain in sobriety for only about as long as you can maintain it.

Backed against a fence.

Unlike those who have yet to cross the border of addiction, one who has been stained can never return to purity. Even when sober, you can only ever look at the other side, knowing you will never gain a similar status. Pushing yourself to the edge, the idea of throwing off the label of an addict occurs more than once.

But you know. You know the moment you live as if you had a clean slate its sweet voice will once again call out to you. You KNOW you will answer its call. You KNOW that despite saying it is under control, you feel COMPELLED to respond. Like a moth to a flame you insist your lust and desires are under control knowing at the back of your mind they are not. You lie to yourself as long as you can ignore the problem at hand and at the of the day lie broken, used, insisting you knew what was going on.

Behemoth.

Fighting an upward battle against a shadow of yourself. A shadow you know you can never erase or hide. A shadow that knows your every move and strategy. The only way to win is to let the shadow join you.